So, I'm going to camp

So, I’m going to camp.

After I graduate in a few short days, spend a few days celebrating and moving my things around, I will make the familiar drive to Ligonier Camp and Conference Center, where I’ll stay not just for the summer as I have in the past, but for the year.

The internship program at LCCC will allow me to get a lot of experience doing a lot of different kinds of things both ministry and non-profit related. I’ll meet a lot of people and despite my familiarity with camp, do a lot of new things. I will get to interact with people of ministry in a space and for a mission that sets my desire to do ministry on fire.

I am very aware that this very much seems like the safe option. I have spent nine summers at camp, and I am comfortable there. In ways it is. I know that property, ministry and the people who pour into it well. I believe in the power of summer camp. I feel most like Annie at camp. So when the voices, both in my world and in my head say “you are taking the easy way out” or “you are actively choosing not to move forward,” they have some ground on which to make those points.

In my heart of hearts though, I know there is no truth in those doubtful words.

Because I also made the hard choice. I could have taken a job here in St. Louis, with a ministry I love. Here, I could continue living with three of the best friends this life has yet to give me. Staying would have given more more money and more security. Everything I could have asked for or even imagined, was sitting there in my lap. All signs pointed towards staying.

Yet, when I came before the Lord, again and again, I heard my thoughts and in the beating of my heart, a firm “it is better to go.” It was not a must. I did not feel like God was demanding I leave, but simply saying, “Annie, it is better to go.”

I started thinking about my dreams. I spent most of college and most of my life really, praying for a vocation. I begged God to call me somewhere, to something. Meanwhile, I was actively pushing aside the pieces of me that craved spaces of ministry. Dismissing them as simply part of loving Jesus. A little over a year ago though, I let myself lean in. I entered the spaces I was drawn to, and was okay with being all and only there. From leaning, doors started to open. I came alive in a way I didn’t know I could. My prayer for calling had been answered long ago, I simply had to let myself want what I had always loved. Once I was sitting in that space it made so much sense. I have started to see everything I have ever loved through a lens of theology and ministry. It has been a beautiful affirmation process and for that, I give thanks.

Okay, so ministry, but why camp?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Despite all the silly songs and s’mores, great friends and funny stories, working at camp is hard. It is exhausting and messy. I run around like a crazy person, drink too much coffee, sleep too little and every year, I ruin at least one of my favorite t-shirts.

I am not going to back to camp with a Bachelor’s degree for my 7th summer on staff because I love camp. You don’t give seven summers to make next to nothing in the woods because camp is fun. I’m going back because I know in my in the core of my being that there is still so much that God can teach me in the place that He teaches me best. I know I still have something to give to camp ministry and I know that camp still has a lot to give me. I am going because I love camp ministry in a way that it would be foolish for me not to believe that it is a crucial piece of my vocation to ministry. I know that this is the chapter in my life where I can do this. I know that it will lead me to the things I feel called to beyond; divinity school, campus ministry, pastoral work, social justice ministry, facilitating finding Jesus in all identities and experiences, writing, and telling stories with people who love my Jesus. Letting myself go and do the thing I feel so wired to do, one more time, I believe will help me best put together the puzzle pieces of this calling. At the end of the day, I believe it’s where God is calling me to be in this season of transition, and I know in the deepest fibers of my being, that’s all that matters.

I want to be a person that does the hard thing. I want to learn the life skills that this job will demand I learn. I want to learn to slow down and be still in small town Pennsylvania. I want to be one who says a bold “YES” to the way I feel tugged by the Holy Spirit. I want to be that kind of friend, sister, daughter, servant and minister.

So, I’m going to camp.